What to do to end corroption?

Hi, Matthew, great article! Do you live in Nigeria that you know so much about the system?

If someone wanted to buy land in Nigeria, would you have any advice?

To be honest, corruption is as we know, nothing new. A recent study showed that my country is right at the top of the list when it comes to corruption in business.

Yes, that would be Slovenia.

It seems, becoming independent and governing yourself is a special skill as any responsible adult would tell you.

And that's exactly the problem, isn't it? Governments and other bodies are not acting as responsible adults. They are behaving more like teenagers who's parents went on vacation for a month and now they have to grab all the booze and drink themselves to stupor while they can.

And when the governments are being caught with their pants down due to great journalists as you are pointing out, Matthew, but then they have other tricks like Brexit.

Did you know why there was suddenly a referendum about a topic which no one cared about before?

Because that summer hundreds of politicians were supposed to be sued because of fraud and like a bad magician, they pointed in a different direction and said: "LOOK! Shiny idea! What about Brexit?" And they managed to divide a country and make us forget that they were all about to be held accountable.

So where do you go from there?

Here is an idea. I've mentioned it before and I will keep mentioning it because it's simple and it has to do with relationships, which is my domain these days.

Our relationships with our employers and our governments is an example of a very toxic and bad relationship.

What would a healthy relationship look like?

I think we can all agree, trust and respect needs to be earned, not just given. Especially when we don't know someone.

And even though we have voted for these people, do we know them? No, we don't.

All we know is that they were supposed to look after us like a good parent, but instead they are behaving like that grabby shady uncle who will deny vehemently that he abused your kid.

What do we all need? Love, care, trust and respect.

Now trust demands transparency. Something many of us struggle with. We are afraid to demand it, afraid what it implies. It implies that we don't trust the person.

And instead of clearly saying to the new partner that we have:"Of course I don't trust you - yet. We've only just met. I wouldn't expect YOU to trust me at this point either, I'll have to prove to you that you can trust me and that happens over time," we cave and let the new partner gaslight us. And before you know it, you have no clue any longer what's really going on nor can you demand transparency later on because it looks even more ridiculous and now you're emotionally invested and you don't know how to get out of it anymore.

Sound familiar?

We have shitty politics because WE allow them to be shitty. We want drama and glamour and entertainment from politicians, instead of hard facts, open books, calm leadership.

Politicians shouldn't have to play clowns. We have clowns as politicians, because WE kind of demand that.

In the UK we have a brilliant man who has proven his capabilities long ago, is calm and composed and had amazing plans for this country. Plans which would have made Germany blush in comparison and Germany is truly great when it comes to medical, social and childcare.

But no...

The British love the drama. We might as well invite Nero back from the past and have Rome burn for fun. Is THAT what we want?

So there you go. Transparency. We should insist on it, as simple as that.

It would start with one political party which is prepared to open its books and have anyone at anytime be able to see the accounts.

It could start with one business company doing the same.

Watchdogs wouldn't be only persistent and brave individuals as these journalists, but we all would be the watchdogs that we SHOULD have been from the start.

It means... Instead of just voting and then leaving certain people do whatever they want and later we complain, we should exert the power that we have and insist on transparency.

Here is one little example that it can be done, on a personal level.

When my husband, as we first met, expressed interest in having a real relationship with me, I hit him with this:"I need three things: complete transparency, strong communication and intimacy. The first one you can prove to me right now and I'll do the same - open your computer to me, your phone, your bank account and let me browse for a while."

BELIEVE ME when I say, this felt odd. More than odd to me. I've never done something like that before in my life. At first I didn't have to because I had trustworthy partners. But after a couple of shady guys who almost drove me crazy with their gaslighting, I had to do this, right from the start to get it out of the way.

I was too old to play games or to just wait and see if it will pan out.

My heart was trembling, I knew he had a horrible experience with his ex when it came to trust. I would have understood if he cringed and recoiled. But then I would also have left.

He did it. He opened up his computer, his phone, everything. It was so weird to actually sit down and go through some of his files.

But this was a test and he passed it. And I made him pass it again later, just to double check.

I did the same though. He didn't want to but I insisted on showing him my friends on Facebook, my email accounts, my bank account, everything. Some things were embarassing but I explained.

You're either authentic and vulnerable with your partner or what's the point, right?

Today we have a rock solid relationship. If it should ever break, it won't be because of a trust issue.

So why not do the same with our governments?