I agree, connection is important.
You see, I can't afford to say that connection is everything. Maybe the question needs to be, what kind of connection? Laughing in bed together, liking each other etc...yes, absolutely.
But when it comes to connection as in feeling strongly about a man, being in love, passion...this is where it goes downhill for me because I can only ever have such strong feelings for men who remind me of my (very abusive) home.
Then again, I don't regret helping certain men in my life. I can honestly say, any man at my side reached his highest potential, whatever that was for him.
As much as I hate myself at times for being the one always helping, I wonder, where would we be if we didn't help each other, right? The love of a giving woman, even when it's to her detriment, is still a wonderful thing.
Stupid at times (for her), but still wonderful. Because it always yields some positive result and furthers life itself.
But I feel 'ya' when you say, it's hard for you to do less and ask for more. I'm still struggling with it.
I'm also aware that me doing too much and not letting my partner show up whenever he can and as he can, can destroy a man's ego and the relationship with it...
I hate being that damsel in distress, but perhaps that's exactly what I need to be learning more of.
You know what my current solution is?
Focus more on my own project. Oh, I still help where I can, but at least my focus is not on him or his kids all the time, they feel they can breathe and also have to admire a bit all the things I'm doing. It forces me to 'do less' and it's easier to wait for things to resolve themselves as they need to.
As for the trust... I'm not sure if I would ever be able to stay with a man after him being with someone else. I think the first thing I would do though is no sex for a couple of months and have him tested for diseases. It's actually the one big thing that pisses me off when it comes to sex - the health factor. I would be less worried about the fact that he slept with someone else, I would be more worried if he hadn't told me and I find out later that he slept with someone and then with me...
That would be the kind of breach of trust that I would never forgive. As long as we are both healthy still, then fine. Then it's 'just' a decision whether I want to trust and love him or not.
But these are things I made my partner very clear. Don't mess with my health!!! That's why I care about monogamy in the first place.
And if I got ill because of his infidelity, I would kill that MF, LOL.
But that's just me. We all have our different priorities... ;)
