I admire you so much! Well done!
When I think back now to my own depressions and suicidal state of mind I just can't believe it's over and all that a distant memory now, even though it wasn't even that long ago when I was still struggling with it. What was it? 5 years?
What scares me in general (and that's why I hate giving advice) is that so much depends on that natural fight that was given to you by birth. You know what I mean? So many times I had to thank the stars that I was born a fighter. But what about those people who weren't? My heart is breaking when I read stories like yours because it amazes me again and again how fragile we are as human beings. So f*** fragile.
Right now I have to deal with a teenage girl as a stepmom. She is hugely anxious every time she needs to go out and deal with new people - and now a new school because she moved from her mother's to her father's place, which is something she was fighting for with tooth and nail.
The covid situation really didn't help kids who were stuck with toxic parents and they couldn't get away from them at least by going to school. So it made things worse.
How do you deal with that when she cries in the morning because she doesn't know what to wear for a uniform-free-Friday and feels too much pressure how to be a girl and not judged?
I totally get her and I don't envy teenagers today.
But how do you show her, she is not alone, how do you show her how to deal with the situation?
Well, her dad and I decided, we will show her how to organise her room and put out clothes in time beforehand, so there is no drama.
I was hugging her for quite a while and tried to explain that these situations are practice for later in life. She can't just go avoiding life forever.
I will organise her room, we will look at the things she still likes to wear and what could possibly be donated to charity - and then buy her a couple of new things, but only AFTER she's been in school on a Friday so she can see what others wear.
We've decided that her dad will take her out and about from now on every day, just so she gets used to being part of this world again.
When you're so young, everything hits you like a brick. HOW do you prevent for a teenager to feel alone and without an identity of his or her own?
I think I made a mistake by trying to leave her alone and give her space, given that I'm just the step-mom. Maybe I need to impose my lovely self on her a little bit more? We both love watching Friends for example. It's not like we don't share anything in comon.
This article really made me think, thank you for that!
Because I knew how to deal with myself. But how do you prevent for a young adult later having to say, she is not close to any of the family members? Surely that MUST be preventable?:)
